Cast of a thousand fools, enter Diogenes
Sigh. Remember the good old days? The halcyon, never-say-die, never-gonna-end
days of the late nineties? When the tech world was all about "transforming
interactive mindshare," and DrKoop.com and B2B and all that blather? Yeah, us
neither. That's because during the Dot Bomb craze we kept our low five
digit paying jobs to work in <cough> academia. Looking back at
all those gen-X'ers who pulled down six figure salaries in exchange for some
great PowerPoint presentations, we can only laugh and point our fingers
derisively, now. Actually, we're not that insensitive. We don't usually
During the craze, members of the technical ranks at UCSC kept it real by
repeatedly running afoul of the wit and genius of The Network Apologist,
The Packet Master, Keeper of Bits, and Guardian of All Things Network,
our resident guru,
Jim Warner. A guy who has done more for networking within the educational system of
California than any other six people combined. We're sure other institutions
have Warner imitations, but only Santa Cruz possesses the authentic Jim
Warner. A walking computing compendium who claims he isn't a nice guy
(possibly the only erroneous statement he's ever made).
Recalling International Jim Warner Day
Back in June of 1999, a couple of us thought it was high time we paid homage
to The Great Hai Hairy-Baba.
out that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, thus International Jim
Warner Day was born.
import of the event, it was even deemed necessary to put together a FAQ.
Jim is known for his ability to turn a pithy phrase. His wit often turns up
in the middle of emails as he strives to make a point. We're certain his
prose will eventually make it into Americana.
Gems such as:
will no doubt find their way into future State of the Union speeches.
He applies the same technique to his highly acclaimed technical disbursements.
- Better to squeeze one beet than 1000 turnips
- We're going to save money no matter how much it costs
Jim is always able to connect with the reader by explaining issues in plain
and simple language:
- We'll route two thirds of IPX; we'll route the "I" and we'll route the "P"
- When you walk outside the max permitted attenuation, you wander into the
land of maybe.
But, without a doubt, the Warner literary trademark is his unflinching use of
analogy to help the reader take the point:
- Registration first with questions later is the functional equivalent of
calling the chancellor to tell her what time you'll be over for dinner
without benefit of an invitation.
- Cryptic error messages are the problem. Mere users don't know how to
sort out the difference between "The dome light in your car is burned
out" and "The engine is on fire and the car will explode in 15 seconds."
Part of the Warner Day celebration featured the unveiling of
a collection of some of Jim's entertaining phraseology. The database was
designed to allow individuals to contribute, as well as to read, since most
people on the receiving end of email from Warner eventually find something
that causes milk to spew from their nose.
We had a digital camera on hand for the event, but the images were thought
lost up until being recently uncovered deep in a Unix filesystem. Even better,
an hour after this web site went up, Bruce Horn sent us a new set of images
that we didn't even know existed. Thus, for your viewing pleasure, we offer:
By the way, the winner of the Best-Dressed Warner was the fellow in
this picture. Jim's the one on the right.
Those responsible for this page:
Digital Plumber and
Warnerism Database originally courtesy of
Mac N Tosh,
Warnerism and Image rework by mad max.